If the current astrological (or political) climate has you hankering for a stiff drink, rest assured I am right there with you. But before you reach for whatever boring, pandemic-era spirits are leftover in the back of your cabinet, as your (self-appointed) personal Cosmic Mixologist, let us first consult the
Okay, cosmic comrades and future puppet masters! Gather 'round, because your favorite slightly cynical (but devastatingly accurate) stargazer is here to spill the celestial tea. You want friends? You want influence? Honey, Dale Carnegie was cute, but he didn't have the ephemeris on his side. Forget boring
FOR SALE BY OWNER: Your entire baffling, glorious, occasionally disastrous existence, conveniently (ha!) divided into 12 distinct Cosmic Properties! Forget Zillow scrolling at 2 AM while eating cold pizza – this is the portfolio that truly determines your fate, or at least explains the specific brand of chaos you attract, like
Venus is the planet of beauty, justice, and magnetism. So naturally, she has some influence on your fashion. Want to look and feel like the very best version of yourself every time you get dressed this summer? Pull up your birth chart, find your Venus sign, and read on. (No
Pets
All dogs are perfect, if you ask me. But Astrology can reveal the characteristics of your ideal four-legged friend. You’ll want to pull up your birth chart and check your rising sign for the most astrologically accurate assessment! ARIES For Aries, whose blazing energy is tempered by an unexpectedly
Aries
If you like them, tell them. Directly. Maybe even loudly. They appreciate clarity. Ambiguity is for Libras and people choosing paint colors. An Aries wants to know where they stand, preferably yesterday.